When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night…” Wendell Berry
Do you ever have nights like this, rolling in anxiety or despair about your life, wishing that sleep would erase it all, that the morning sun would bring something new, something far removed from your current reality, or perhaps simply an escape from it all ?
I had one last week, and I have a bit of a confession to make: lately, I’ve been feeling stuck, doing what I think I have to do, in order to survive. Sure, it’s a tolerable existence – the bills get paid, er well, most of them that is, there’s food in the fridge (as much as my sons beg to differ), and we all have enough underwear and mismatched socks – but living like this comes with a tremendous cost: a diminished sense of self, vitality, and peace. And to put it simply, it’s just not all that much fun.
So why do it, why carry on with a way of living that ultimately doesn’t serve anyone, why choose mere survival over “thrival” ? The truth is we are all born to thrive, and we know this, despite our best attempts to believe otherwise. Sooner or later, the truth will surface.
Now there’s a lot of reasons for laying low, for flying below the radar… and we all go through periods in our lives when survive is about all we can do. I went through more than a few terrifyingly challenging years, and had to endure some tremendous losses and the grief that followed. You’ve probably had your own share. So we’ve made it this far, through all that life serves up – the good, the bad, and everything in between – and we find ourselves stuck, in a cage or on the treadmill (please add whatever metaphor works for you), while life speeds past at mach 2. You may be wondering, “O.K., so now what?” Maybe you’re looking at your life, and even though your busy all the time, you just know that something’s missing, that there’s got to be more than this…
I’ve known it for a while, but in my busy-ness, in my doing-what-I-think-I-should-be-doing, as opposed to (and it really IS in opposition to) what-I-really-could-be-doing, I’m tapped out at the day’s end. The changes will come, but it’s always manana, manana, manana…
If you’re lucky like me, you’ll meet people in your life who know the difference between survive and thrive. When you’re in the presence of these “wild ones,” you’ll know it: it can be a little unnerving, you may feel like running away, and the “danger” sign might be flashing. The only things at risk though are the beliefs that may be holding you back from making the kinds of changes you secretly desire. A wild one knows the truth, and they know that you know the truth as well. The wild friend I met up with yesterday gave me a beautiful and timely reminder that life is short, it’s meant to be lived, not safely in a cage (which is not at all safe, given the true risks and extreme costs), but out here (and it helps drive the point home if you stretch your arms wide right now and look at the world around you… that’s it, stretch…).
Do you know any wild ones ? Who makes your heart say, “I want some of that” ? And by “that” I mean freedom, independence, aliveness, living “out there on the limbs, going for the sweetest fruit…” We are all born to live this way, to thrive, like no one else can, because we all come with a unique collection of talents and insights. What can help you shift out of survival mode?
1. Spend some time with a wild one. If you feel like running, stay put. What you hear is them rattling the bars of the cage you think you’re in, as the truth of you emerges. Learn from them, they love helping others bust out (and please note: a wild one isn’t necessarily covered in hair, swinging from trees, or baring their teeth, though kids can definitely fulfill this role for us).
2. Take off the Superhero/Amazing Juggler costume. Let everything you’re doing - all the stuff you’re trying to carry, all the duties and obligations and chores you trying to live up to, all the plates your trying to keep up in the air – let it all crash to the floor, and take a good look at it. See what’s essential. See where you have choice (and you might be surprised).
3. Stretch out, literally and figuratively. Try yoga, dance, running, a new mode of travel (hopefully non-polluting). Let go of the tree trunk you think is safe, and go for the fruit, out there on the limbs. What is a stretch for you ? Go for it, reach out as an expression of what you desire, and who you really are.
4. Spend time in nature. Really look around and see how nature works… trees grow from the inside out, and we’re no different. The apple seed becomes the apple tree; the bear cub becomes the adult bear, doing what nature intends. There’s no argument there. See where you may be trying to go against nature, against your own innate ways of living and growing.
5. Do something scary, at least once a day. Feeling afraid ? Good! Fear is a doorway, a signal that we need to pay attention. We can walk through it, leaving behind what we know, and discover a world we could hardly imagine. Seek out opportunities and experiences that challenge your beliefs and comforts, that will shake up the status quo.
The great thing about wild ones is that we all get to be them; you will always meet people who are more stuck than you are, and it’s an opportunity to help them see their own truths and desires. Do you want to survive, or do you want to thrive ? We can all help each other be who we were born to be. Special thanks to Celine, my wild friend, for rattling my cage, for daring to live on the outside. Safe travels on your adventurous life path, and I look forward to feeling the awesome chill of your Muskoka chair one day.
Peace my friends, you’re all wild at heart.
Patrick
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